I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
