Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
farters have to be the big spoon...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
