dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
operation have a gay friend backfired
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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