Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
