Don't make out with my wife yet
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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