living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
