last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize