I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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