Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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