Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
