Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize