I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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