you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
