So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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