We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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