I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize