afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize