So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
