He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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