I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
