I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
