i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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