Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
