Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
