she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
