I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
