how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
