I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
