I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
