Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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