I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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