ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize