Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
