I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
