I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
