u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
this hospital has no fireball
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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