Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
