Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
