i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
