A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize