she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
