I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
