One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
