I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
