Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
