Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
