In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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