I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize