Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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