I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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