the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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