Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
