She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
