We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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