maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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