you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
