i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
