need another drink. this is the easiest way
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
