We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
