Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
