Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
