remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
