john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to sanitize my soul.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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