Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize