I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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