You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
