hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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