Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
