good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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