you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
