I love black thongs
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
