Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
