Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize