It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize