dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
